We’ve been invaded. Again. Fruit flies have taken over our apartment and, quite frankly, they’re pretty pissed off. Probably because we killed a bunch of their brothers and sisters when they invaded last year. And the year before. In any event, they’re back and they ain’t happy.
Now as any responsible homeowner knows, there’s a right way and a wrong way to kill a fruit fly. The right way, of course, involves one dressing up like a fruit fly (Dick’s Sporting Goods has a nice assortment of fruit fly hunting gear), crouching down next to the fridge, and waiting anywhere from five minutes to three days until the flies let their guard down and then you swat the hell of out them with a towel. The wrong way is sitting down and trying to reason with the flies, providing them with a well thought-out explanation as to why they should leave your place and go bother someone else and, in some cases, even offering them bus fare to do so.
Then there’s the Bloom way. This involves creating a fruit fly trap (see Exhibit 1.1).
Exhibit 1.1
To create said trap, you take a plastic bottle (not seen in photograph), fill the bottle with a little vinegar, and make a “funnel” from a sheet of notebook paper (preferably college-ruled). Here’s the beautiful part: the flies, attracted to the vinegar, fly into the trap but can’t get out.
We’re currently in Day Three of this landmark case (Bloom v. Fruit Flies). We’ve already caught several dozen…but there’s more. THEY. KEEP. COMING.
Okay, fruit flies. You want a war? You’ve got one.
To be continued.
